Spiritual Autonomy

Nephi writes: "I...do not make a full account of the things which my father hath written, for he hath written many things which he saw in visions and in dreams; and he also hath written many things which he prophesied and spake unto his children, of which I shall not make a full account. But I shall make an account of my proceedings in my days." (1 Nephi 1:16-17)

Nephi doesn't want to simply make a copy of what his father has lived and experienced with regards to the gospel. He wants not only to have his own gospel experiences - to know for himself - but also to record them. One of the starting notes of the Book of Mormon is Nephi's desire to be his own man spiritually - to gain his own relationship with God. It is a manual on how to do so.

Heavenly communication

Lehi receives the same message from both earthly messengers and from a Heavenly Messenger in the fist chapter of the Book of Mormon. Yet, the difference in his response to the two different messengers is remarkable. These earthly messengers are godly men - they are even prophets of the living God. As Lehi receives their message that Jerusalem will be destroyed, he is moved to pray and is filled with concern for his people. Then, when he receives a book from a heavenly messenger in vision and reads of the same destruction, this time he is filled with the Spirit and testifies of and praises the goodness and mercy of God (1 Nephi 1:11-15). This contrast highlights heaven's ability to communicate. Who can prophesy of destruction and overwhelm people with joy but heaven?! Lehi didn't question the message from the prophets, but when he got the same message from heaven it was filled with power and hope - it moved him forward.
The prophets hadn't failed though, they had fully accomplished their mission with him when Lehi prayed - they had sent Him to get it from God. What a great pattern! Nephi, following the same pattern, will gain great and personal knowledge from the God of heaven about His father's dream. As a parent and teacher I need to do all I can to convince people not to take my word for it - but to go to their Father in Heaven and get it from Him!

Seven pillows and a song

When Christi suffers a spasm as a result of her condition, certain muscle groups contract with all their might. For her it is the hamstrings, glutes, adductors, the back of the shoulders, the triceps and the back and left side of the neck. These spasms cause those specific muscles to grow disproportionately strong, and also painful. Not only do they pull the body out of postures of natural musculoskeletal balance, these muscle groups are flooded with lactic acid after a spasm, and each subsequent one then is accompanied by an intense ache. As I struggle to keep her in the proper positions, I got to thinking, what if I am the same way spiritually speaking to God? He watches as I position myself for pain and lovingly molds and corrects my course over and over again to help me avoid the pains for which I am  certainly destined without His intervention. 

The difference however is choice. Christi's spasms are involuntary, she literally hasn't got the ability to keep herself out of such spasms, such painful positions. There are things I can do, however, to help her though - and that's where the pillows and music come in. Currently she is carefully positioned on 7 pillows with music playing. The pillows, 4 under her propped up legs and then 1 each under the head and either arm. Her muscles stay better in an extended position that way and the music, it helps to calm her. 

My painful positions on the other hand, are a result of my choices. Choice of thought, choice of words. Yet he gently guides and shapes me still. He responds when I cry out. What If I couldn't choose though? What if I, like Christi in her current temporary physical situation, was unable to keep myself from pain and suffering because of spiritually damaging and painful positions? Isn't this the experience Nephi's brother Jacob described: 

"...if the flesh should rise no more our spirits must become subject to that angel who fell from before the presence of the Eternal God, and became the devil, to rise no more.

"And our spirits must have become like unto him, and we become devils, angels to a devil, to be shut out from the presence of our God, and to remain with the father of lies, in misery, like unto himself; yea, to that being who beguiled our first parents, who transformeth himself nigh unto an angel of light, and stirreth up the children of men unto secret combinations of murder and all manner of secret works of darkness." (2 Nephi 9:8-9)

Jesus Christ suffered died and rose again on the third day to provide us choice and beacause He has, we may choose Him and exaltation through Him. Had he not risen triumphant from the tomb we would have no hope. 

I am confident that there will be a resolution to Christi's current difficulty with spasms, and I think we are well on the way there now. She will be free from this pain also in eternity - because He rose. 

Let only my resolution be as firm! That because He rose offering me the better choice, that I will take it.  

Compassion necessary to preach

With the ending of the school year I realized that I have only 4 years time until my oldest can enter the mission field. I feel a responsibility to do all I can to prepare him for that life changing opportunity. It struck my today as I read 1 Nephi 1:5 that what preceded Lehi's call to preach to those in Jerusalem, was the same thing that caused the sons of Mosiah to go preach to the Lamanites. Nephi writes: "Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart, in behalf of his people." When Lehi heard of the impending destruction to come upon Jerusalem, His heart was drawn out toward his fellow man - his people. Lehi demonstrates the compassion necessary to the call, or as D&C 4 calls it "the desire to serve." Notably it is not the desire to conform, the desire to keep up appearances, or the desire to please mom and dad that causes one to be called to the work. Lehi has the compassion necessary to the call to preach. How do we as parents and youth leaders develop such compassion in the young people preparing to serve missions? Elder Bednar taught that the most important thing a person can do to prepare to serve a mission is to become a missionary long before they go. Nurturing this desire to serve is an important preliminry step!

Because I see

I started reading the Book of Mormon again yesterday. I was impressed with probably one of the most well known verses of scripture in the Church: 1 Nephi 1:1. Nephi writes that he has been born of goodly parents. Then comes that great causal word "therefore." Because he was born of goodly parents, he was taught somewhat in the learning of his father. That's what goodly parents do - they teach their children what they are learning. Learning is in the present tense there, which seems to imply that goodly parents not only teach what they have learned in the past, but teach what they are being taught in the present. I am so grateful to have been born to such parents! I want to be better at being a goodly parent in that way too - inviting my children into my personal life enough to know of the things I am learning. Parental instruction is the primary pattern for gospel instruction - nothing can take its place. No wonder such a teaching takes a primary and preeminent spot in the Book of Mormon.

Nephi goes on to say that he has seen many afflictions in the course of his days - that's an interesting thing to read sitting in a hospital. It is certainly true of Nephi, his account bears that out. It is also true of everyone you meet here in the hospital, and really everyone you meet anywhere. So I guess that's not very uncommon - but again worth noting that it is stated right up front lest anyone suppose that a Christ-centered life will be free from difficulty. The thing that caught my eye here though is how he followed up this statement about his afflictions. He writes, "Nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea having had a great knowledge of the goodness and mysteries of God..." The word "nevertheless" is a direction changer - the Lord used it in Gethsemane after pleading for the Father to remove the cup from Him and before submitting fully to His will. What comes before nevertheless is context that adds power to what comes thereafter. Nephi's afflictions are the backdrop for the blessings and great teachings of God to Him. I must admit, they are that way to me too. In my extremity, if I am careful not to push His Spirit away - and even sometimes when I have not been as careful - He touches me and He teaches me. He's done that yesterday and today as I bid my family goodbye on vacation, and as I seek to comfort Christi as she struggles still with pain the doctors do not quite understand yet. He has placed his gentle arm around me, comforted me, and helped me learn. As I speak of difficult things, of afflictions, from here forward I will be careful not to forget the "nevertheless clause" noting the great goodness and mercy of God to me.

Then there is that great causal word "therefore" again - because Nephi has been blessed to see the goodness, the bessings, the teachings of God in his life - for that very reason, he keeps a record. Is there a better reason to record (in a journal, blog, or even social media), or to bear record?? As his father has done by teaching him of what he is learning, he does also by painstakingly engraving the plates so that we might know. I want to be better at sharing what great things the Lord has done for me and mine. Because I see His hand - I should also share. #shareHisgoodness 

Humility

I imagine a circle - one gigantic circle, big enough to represent all that God knows. All of it. Then I imagine another, much smaller circle. This one represents all the knowledge that mankind has amassed. Think of the comparison between the two - what does it really look like? How big do I believe the difference is really?
In first chapter of the book of Moses, the prophet of the exodus is shown "the earth, yea, even all of it; and there was not a particle of it which he did not behold, discerning it," the scriptures say, "by the Spirit of God." To understate it greatly - That must have been an absolutely mind blowing vision!  That was not all though. He beheld next, the inhabitants of earth, "and there was not a soul which he beheld not; and he discerned them by the Spirit of God;" So that's all of them, right?! Whenever they would inhabit the planet --  It's amazing to me to consider that Moses saw me... and my grandchildren...as well as my great great grandparents. It certainly must have been a humbling experience for him. Then, if I am reading the next verse right, Moses saw many earths with their inhabitants. This could be discussed for ages I suppose, and from all sorts of angles too. My point is simple though - the sheer scope of God's creations in relation to what Moses was familiar with was absolutely astonishing, humbling, and frankly beyond the ability of words to capture. Then comes the thought - If that kind of gap exists between the man's knowledge of God's physical creations and the full scope of them - what gap might exist in the realm of the spiritual or intellectual? Do we suppose that we are more familiar with the the spiritual and intellectual realm than we are then with the physical? If Moses' astonishment at seeing the vast extent of the physical creations of God causes enough humility for him to conclude that man is nothing [by comparison], then couldn't we show more intellectual humility? More deference to revelation? Trust more in His word even before we understand it completely?
Moses is familiar with the grandeur and power of the works of man in the word he lived in. His upbringing in the courts of Pharoah in arguably the most powerful nation on the earth at the time could really have convinced him that man was something - no dice though, not even a little bit after this vision. I want to be more like Moses, less enamored with the physical, intellectual, or spiritual creations of man. I want to open my eyes in humility and live more in reverent awe.

Listen together

Someone wise once said that the Church is less like a museum for Saints, and more like a hospital for sinners. I think the saying was meant to realign the expectations of the offended, but it's a good reminder to us all.  We’ve been in two actual hospitals for the last few weeks.  Maybe I can learn some things about the Church from our recent stay at Primary Children's. 

To make a longer story short, we are in the hospital because when we went in to get Chirsti's broken femur re-plated and casted (the first plate and screws didn't hold) they found that her blood levels of phosphate were dangerously low. This had caused her bones to be week and not heal, and for her to have kidney stones from all the Calcium that was being pushed into her urine instead of being used to build bone. They put her on massive doses of phosphorus and Calcium to try to build her back up to normal levels. Her body was using it almost faster than they could get it in her though, and they were constantly chasing those levels, in what they called a rare case of "hungry bone syndrome." After two and a half weeks now her levels have stabilized, and they are starting to talk about sending her home this week. In the mean time, her femur broke again (while inside the cast) and we discovered two broken ribs and a broken clavicle as well. One of us has been staying with her around the clock (mostly me because my sweet wife has so much trouble sleeping in the hospital) so we will be excited to sleep in our own beds and be together as a family again soon. 

In the midst of all of this, one of our comforts has been the Ronald McDonald room at Primary Children's Hospital. They may not be the best at burgers, but my hat will always be off to them for the compassion of these rooms. There parents and family members there at the hospital can do laundry, take a shower, reserve a room for a nap or overnight stay, and, best of all, come together for a hot meal put on by families and businesses in the community.  Getting together with other parents and talking about our situations has been such a great blessing to us. We have talked about the gospel, about life, about doctors, nurses, and hospitals, and in all just generally about the soul. I have watched a blind mother sit in silence as she worries about the health of her newborn baby. I have listened to her express her faith in "things which are not seen but are true. I have visited with a woman so full of tattoos and piercings that it is genuinely and profoundly distracting from who she really is. We talked about judgement, kindness, about how the bullying of her son has potentially contributed to his medical condition, and about prayer. There is healing in togetherness. 

I've noticed that people seem to blossom out of the cacoon of their own situation and problems as they interact, share, and speak with others. The callous caused by the impact of their struggles falls away softly and beautiful souls emerge. I think this is what Church is meant to be like in a way too. The Lord commands in the opening verse of the first section of the Doctrine nad Covenants that His Church "listen together." Interestingly, the Lord doesn't say "talk together," but rather, "listen." 

Elder Bednar, speaking of ward councils in a training in 2010, said, "I think we have the mistaken notion that every element of revelation coming to the ward has to come through the bishop. By virtue of his keys, he has to acknowledge it and affirm it, but he doesn’t necessarily have to be the only vehicle through whom it comes. So in that council, as you have that spirit of unity and act under the influence of the Spirit, the contributions of all of the council members add elements to the inspiration. So the council doesn't decide...It is an inspired pattern that the bishop, by virtue of the keys, has to direct. But he doesn't have to receive every jot and tittle of the revelation." "Revelation is scattered among us" Elder Anderson also taught. I know it might be a stretch of these principles, but I feel like the Lord speaks best to us often when we speak with each other - or more specifically as we listen.

So there I was sitting in Church today feeling burdened with financial matters, with Chirsti's health, with deadlines and difficulties. Gratefully I was rescued from my low state by a simple prompting. The message was this "listen to people. Get to know the people in your ward one at a time. Find out who they really are, and the beautiful things that are hidden within them." Although the inspiration came right at the end of the third hour of our meetings I immediately had two different ward members to listen to. One told me of his younger brothers, one waiting for a kidney, and the other diagnosed with cancer and being worn down from long sufferings with chemotherapy. He also mentioned that he is a twin and shares what he believes to be a special spiritual bond with his twin. Then another sister approached me and told me about her brother, 18 months her junior, who suffers with cerebral palsy similarly to Christi. I know (from facebook) that this good sister has had trouble having children and they recently had hoped to have adopted a baby from Arizona, but it fell through. I felt immediately lifted and liberated from my burdens as I listened, but more than that I felt a sacred type of kinship with these my brothers and sisters. I am humbled, and having emerged a bit from my shell, I'm very excited about the opportunities I have to "listen together." I'm sure what I heard in their voices today was nothing less than the great sustaining comfort of the very Spirit of God. I couldn't help but wonder how to best express that to people wondering why they should go to the trouble of getting ready for and attending Church meetings. I'm going to try :)