Where will modern Israel stand?

Recently I was shown something that I hadn't seen before in the scriptures that seems really relevant to me.  It was in 1 Nephi 11 verses 34-36.  Nephi is being instructed by a heavenly messenger about the dream his father had. After seeing the death of the Savior he is shown how the "multitudes of the earth..gather together to fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb" He learns that these are they in the large and spacious building his father saw.  More than just mocking righteousness, those that are there are fighting against apostles.  Then the angel tells him something about those who were inside. He says, "behold, the House of Israel has gathered together to fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb." If I understand this correctly, the great and spacious building is filled with the House of Israel and the way they will mock those in the paths of righteousness is by fighting against the Apostles of God. 

I guess I had always assumed that those who mock would probably be gentiles and that Israelites, God's chosen people, would surely be on the pathway to Him - for the most part at least.

Maybe they are?  They are surely a split group. 

Lehi's family seems like it could be a good example of how this works with regard to special witnesses of Christ. Nephi and Sam follow and believe while Laman and Lemuel scorn and complain. Convincing Nephi requires a faith filled prayer. Convincing Sam requires Nephi's testimony.  Laman and Lemuel will not pray - they have no faith in it.  They consider Nephi's witness as both personal and "hard."  Nephi's pattern is not just to believe in and stand for prophetic direction, but also to follow it with unyielding determination (think brass plates).  All this while he is the youngest among his brothers ("and a child shall lead them"). Truly written for our day! A day when youth are more prepared to share and testify than ever.  They lead by faith and example in this way. 

In an age where guidance from prophets, seers, and revelators is under increasing scrutiny and attack - I am grateful for faithful (and often young) witnesses who seek, find, and testify of truth and of God's chosen servants.  

For the record, I'm not sure that the 50/50 split in Lehi's sons at the time is indicative of the percentages of members (covenant Israel) that will stand for prophets either. I like to think of such numbers as emphasizing the importance of the choice we are to make (my old sport psychology textbooks from college show that a perceived 50/50 chance of success is the most motivational for athletes).  To stand by the Twelve Apostles of the Lamb is to stand on the straight and narrow path.  To follow them with determination is to find the tree. I am so grateful for the sacred witness that I have been given by the Holy Ghost of modern prophets!  

Unsharpened Tools

Today the Lord, with a crude instrument to work with, performed a miracle in our lives.  I am referring of course to myself.  Here's how it happened: Last night when we went up to see Deana and Christi in the hospital I had the opportunity to give Christi a blessing.  Deana had set this one up with the hospital branch so that someone could come assist me.  She thought that the other kids would behave themselves better in the forever young center (games, toys, etc) than in Christi's room, so it was just a young man from the branch and I with Christi at the time.  I remember laying my hands on her head and saying what I thought sounded like a familiar phrase with just a little more detail. I said that her body and care takers would be blessed to be able to signify what was needed to the physicians in order for her needs to be adequately met.  I had hoped it wasn't uninspired filler - I had said those types of things in enough blessings.  It seemed unremarkable enough that when Deana asked what was said in the blessing I don't believe I even mentioned it to her.
The next morning (today), they clamped Christi's EVD tubing four hours before surgery. Then about an hour before surgery or so, Deana accidentally disconnected her EVD tubing near her head and the CSF began to leak out onto the bed.  The Neurosurgery team was right there and they were able to take care of it right away - and reassure Deana that all was OK (one thing I love about her is her open and forthright nature).  As they came in and clamped it off, they noticed that it was merely dripping. They had expected more flow to be coming out since she had been clamped for a few hours.  Noticing this left a question in their minds, and when they went in for surgery, they checked on the position of the catheter in the brain.  I suppose they normally do this, but this time likely with more scrutiny.  They found the tip to be turned, or positioned incorrectly or inefficiently in some way and corrected it.  When they dd so, they found that the shunt was indeed not functioning the way that it should and she was under a bit of pressure.  The problem was resolved and the rest of the procedure went well also.  We hope now that as long as the bleed is stopped we may be able to bring her home this weekend.  Oh, what a joy it would be to be back together again as a family! Deana and I have yet to be able to celebrate our anniversary (which is now over a month overdue).  With heaven's help we hope to be able to establish a better trajectory for Christi than she has had the last few months.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the way the Lord has heard our heartfelt prayers and been true to His word to the letter!  His voice, still and small enough through me that it didn't seem noteworthy, has been fulfilled!  How good He is to us!! He turned what looked like a dangerous mistake into not only a good thing, but a real and very specific answer to prayer and a significant blessing. Had the doctors not noticed the catheter tip in the head (which stayed in place the whole time) even if she were allowed to come home we would have been back in short order as the pressure increased in her head. The degree to which He is mindful of us communicates His deep and personal love! It is amazing to me how effectively the Lord can work with such an unsharpened tool!

The Breath of Life

I remember as a foolish 11 or 12 year with a trampoline in my back yard getting a crazy idea.  I think I came up with this idea with my good friend Jared, or was it my cousin Sam - either way I'm going to blame the idea on their influence :)   I think we decided it would impress the girls (and since I was way too scared of them to even remember my name in their presence it might have been my only chance).  The idea was this,  we would prove our manhood by jumping as high as we could on the trampoline and then jumping off.  ...Ok, we'd been dong this for a while already. We were pretty good at cushioning our landing by bending our knees or even doing a forward roll.  The grass was nice and soft too - it was a great idea.  We were going to do it different this time though,  this time when we jumped off we'd land flat on our stomachs on the ground.  It was my turn first, and as I remember it, my first REALLY memorable physics lesson.  That Newton guy was really onto something!  There were also anatomy lessons. That day I learned (among other things) that ribs and knees operate COMPLETELY differently to cushion a landing.  I also learned, on my second try (man, that's even embarrassing to write), that without breath, few other things matter.  I think the first time off  must have absorbed more shock in my forearms - but that second time sure packed a wallop!  Its the only time I can remember having the breath knocked out of me, and I was positive that I was dying.  No mater how hard tried I just couldn't take a breath.  My lungs were like old balloons - too stuck to themselves to inflate.  I was terrified, and I still remember the feeling like it was yesterday.
Then there was today.  Deana called with the news around 11 am - after 29 long days in the pediatric intensive care unit (picu), Christi was being moved to the floor! That meant not as much monitoring was needed because she was getting better!  Progress! A step toward home!!  They might even be on their way home as early as Thursday!  What great news!!!
Then around 4 pm - Christi stopped breathing.  Deana had stepped away for 10 -15 minutes to change her laundry and was on her way back as she heard Christi's room # being read over the intercom with a color code, and saw doctors running down the hall to her.  They were able to start her breathing again, and with that Christi was moved right back into her room in the picu.  Cat scans, reattached monitor wires, and one more anoxic episode later the search begins anew.
Now I've been hit harder - and the worst part is that it isn't me that can't breathe. Oh how I wish that it were!  I'm trying hard to be there for my students and my other wonderful children here and now, and we've had a great time - really.  I ache for my baby girl though.  Maybe I lost my wind this time too.
The spirit of man is described as "the breath of life" in the creation account.  Could she be leaving?  They were never able to determine the cause of her cardiac arrest last year around this time - could it be the same thing causing this now?  Was she trying to go then? When I had learned CPR just a few years ago, I had never imagined how helpless it would feel to perform.
I feel helpless now too.  Yet I trust Him.
He has filled me with His peace in my desperation - He has run to my aid.  I have no idea what comes next, but it's okay because it's in His hands.  He has come to me in the kind words and gestures of friends and ward members. He has lifted me on the wings of their solicitude. He has also personally breathed life back into me on this crushing day, and I stand only with borrowed strength.  It makes sense to Paul and to me - and I'm sure to many others, "when I am weak, then I am strong."  His grace is real, and it is - for today - sufficient.          

The Bottom-most Turtle

Legend has it that a well-known scientist once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: "What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise." The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the tortoise standing on?" "You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady. "But it's turtles all the way down!" 
Trying to find out what exactly is wrong with Christi this time around has been a bit of a stack of turtles medically speaking.  We brought her to the hospital in severe and nearly constant abdominal pain.  It had been progressively getting worse for a while and after a few sleepless nights, we were at a tipping point.  She had also had bloody discharge from her tube and, most recently, begun vomiting blood.  After a few test we were flown to Phoenix where we have been in PCH since.
After a brief scare with a suspicion of sepsis, We have sought diligently to source her abdominal pain.  In the mean time, she has developed two blood clots in her right leg.  They are non-occlusive (the blood has other ways around) but still not the best news.  Her face has also swollen significantly and there is a potential blockage in the valve where the small intestine and large intestine join - which is possibly caused by the tubing from her shunt wrapping around it. While none of these things have been sourced or solved yet, there seem to be additional layers added too often - more turtles.
Our own personal turtles are part of the pile here too.  Our house is slated to go on the market this coming week, and we are also supposed to fly to Utah on a house hunting trip on Tuesday.  Christi is currently on a ventilator and won't be making the trip (she was going to come) but that means that we will likely have to divide and conquer to get it all done.  Not to mention our other 4 kids who have been so kindly and carefully cared for by family and friends in Snowflake while all this is going on.  What stories this will make some day :)
The truth is really that there are, of course, no turtles that we are standing on here.  There are no causal loops, or even any unsure footing at all.  There are so many with so much more to wrestle with, with so much less support, with much more difficult circumstances.  We meet them nearly every second step here in the hospital.  The Lord said to the often troubled Israelites, "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy one of Israel, thy Saviour"
He paid an enormous personal price to offer us the sure footing He has. It has made a tremendous difference for us to rest safely in His hands in the midst of this turmoil.
Who can stand for very long on a stack of turtles anyway?

     

Tight

We try to be good, attentive, and competent parents to our sweet little angel.  We talk about, think about, and fast and pray about what to do for her a lot.  We have tried dozens of things with different outcomes - mostly unsuccessful though.
For the last month or two Christi has been in more and more pain.  Lately she had also been vomiting nearly every time she was fed.  This has been no small source of anxiety.  Deana has made trip after trip to Phoenix to try to determine what was going on.  We have been to the emergency room locally with not much help either - its not their fault they just don't have the pediatric specialists available to meet Christi's needs. So after much discussion and prayer we decided on Wednesday, the 25th of February, to pack up and drive her down to Phoenix to go through the ER.  It was the only way we could get the tests done that she needed without having to schedule them a month out.  We couldn't stand by and watch her suffer anymore.  We were desperate for answers.  So we drove 3 hours to Phoenix Children's Hospital, then waited 4 hours in line and in the waiting room to be seen. Half a dozen tests later we still had no answers.  Then the right person got involved.
This wonderful doctor, and immigrant from Poland, came in to visit Christi.  It took her 10 minutes of visiting with me and Christi to determine what was going on!  After months of searching there was finally and end in sight, a period to end this sentence. We were finally getting answers!
Come to find out, Christi had been having distonic spasms - a hundred or more every day.  She would cry out in pain, arch her back and neck (her neck was the worst) and stiffen her legs.  These were all involuntary, like muscle cramps, they were very painful and were a result of her brain injury from this summer.  It still breaks my heart to think of the pain that she had been in day in and day out.
The solution involved medication, but this angel of a doctor also taught me some behavioral interventions. She said that in Poland there are a number of people walking around with  undiagnosed distonia.  In order to keep it in check they walk around with their arms folded in front of them.  This keeps them from stiffening up, she said.  If you fold Chirsti' arms it may help her break through the pain.  Hmm.  I remarked that I had noticed that stretching Christi's neck forward had given her some relief as well as crossing her legs. "Exactly," she said.  Those are the other two things that a person can do to stop the spasm and break up the tension in the muscles - bow the head and bend the legs.  Not only was this great and welcome news to me, but also to my wife.  Then the question came to me that the Lord had been answering all along, "Why do we pray that way?"
Its a good question, and I had been perhaps to light with my answers to it in the past.  I have told my children things like it keeps them from poking each other and helps them focus - both of which are true answers, but not complete ones.  For Chirsti that position allows her to release the tension that causes her pain.  It is her letting go, and it helps her let go.  And there is the lesson for me.  As we have struggled, as all of us struggle to make our way through difficult things - to quote a hymn, "there is an hour of peace and rest," and it comes when I find my knees fold my arms and bow my head before my God and let go of my tensions, stresses, and worries.  It has been my experience that He will take them up - every time. No wonder he pleads with us in the scriptures over and over to "Ask," "seek," and "counsel" with Him. "And since He bids me seek His face, believe His words and trust His grace, I'll cast on Him my every care and wait for thee  sweet hour of prayer." Alma had it right, all things do bear witness of Him.  What a perfect and powerful gift prayer is.