Descent to Ascend

"He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things...that he might be in all and through all things"  (D&C 88:6)
When Nephi asks to know about the tree his father saw in a vision, he is asked if he knows the condescension of God.  He responds that he doesn't, and then he is shown the Savior's birth, parts of His life, and His death at the hands of evil men.
When the Savior chose to come down to this earth as a humble child in a manger, he was taking a great step down.  The God of the old testament willingly subjected himself to mortality so that He might triumph over all its ailments for each one that would ever experience them.  He descended below so that He might rise above.
On this coming Monday morning Christi will be going in for another surgery.  She will be getting a G-tube. This will allow her to be fed directly to her stomach - bypassing the mouth and throat - through a tube into her tummy.
Strangely, we felt good about getting this procedure done -- even though we had fought against it long before (when Chrsti was on a non-surgical NG tube for the first year of her life).  It is a reversible thing, but then it had kind of seemed like capitulation, a kind of giving up on oral feeds.  Christ was eventually able to move successfully to oral feeds from the NG-tube then.  Yet in this situation, it feels like her descent into "G-tubeness" will actually allow her to ascend more quickly and effectively into oral feeds again.
Jesus descended there too for her, so that He would be able to succor her.  Like is often that case in this life with my own trials - there are earthly examples, or forerunners, that help mark the path and give comfort along the way also.
Ironically, Christi's little friend, Journee Harris, got a G-tube just a day or two ago.
I am so grateful the way is so clearly marked!  He really has "finished [His] preparations unto the children of men" (D&C 19:19)  

Parents AND Firefighters

Today is Father's day, our 12th wedding anniversary, and the 33rd day of our hospital stay here at PCH.  I am beginning to worry more about my other children.  While Christi seems to be getting better and better day by day, some things with her siblings seem to be headed the other direction.
Sometimes children misbehave simply because it gets them the attention they crave and seem to be able to reliably get in no other way.  Sometimes adults do too, for that matter.  Sometimes lack of structure, or even the stress they perceive in their parents or siblings can cause little ones to panic.  Its understandable too -- these are the people they look to and lean heavily on for structure and balance in their world.  Friends and family have been so very kind in all of this.  Homes have been opened, vacations have been changed, schedules have been rearranged, and lives disrupted on our account all out of love!  It has been so humbling to witness the goodness of people's hearts!!
On the other hand, it seems almost natural for adults (but can be so damaging too) to send the message (even by just the way we act) that children *would* be worth our time (effort, affection, focus) if only something in their life was on fire.  What better reason is there to become an arsonist of one's own life than that?!  
So here I sit in a hospital room holding a figurative firehose and missing my other kids like crazy!  I am and have been fully invested in Christi's care.  I do feeds, therapies, and hygiene.  I follow regiments and schedules, and try to provide the best balance between work, rest, and visits that I can for her.  She needs all of it right now.  Yet I see my other four only every other day for a few hours at a time and Deana has been carrying an immense burden.  It was the role she chose in the beginning, but certainly not an easy one.
Today, she got them up early, got them ready, and tossed them in the car so that we could attend church together as a family for the first time in over a month.  We attended the Country Club Ward here close to the hospital - It was great!  At the end of the block, I got three different paper sacks full of popcorn with a little paper neckties on them and poems entitled "My Silly Poem About Dad." They were to fill in blanks indicating their responses to what their dad can or can't do on the poems and give them for Father's day.  Apparently, I can: "jump over lava," "run," "teach seminary," and "be lots of fun,"... but cannot: "belly flop in a pool without getting hurt," "breathe under water," or "be 2nd place."  Haha!  I guess I'll have to work on my belly flops :) I couldn't help but notice, though, that none of it had to do with anything that I have given much focus to in the last month.  Fires need attention, no question, but so do bellyflops and being lots of fun - that's what dad's are supposed to do with their kids in the summertime, right?!
I feel one of the real applications of the grace of God to our circumstance has been the way family relationships have been protected and preserved.  Myself, my wife, and my children have definitely been strengthened and upheld by the loving hand of God through the prayers and sacrifices of so many wonderful people!  We feel such a debt of gratitude to God and His earthly angels during this time!
Alma's people were blessed in difficulty in three different ways by the Lord though:  1) They we directed out of trouble and difficulty by the Lord in evading the searches of King Noah, 2) They were strengthened under the burdens imposed by king Amulon, and 3) They were delivered directly and dramatically out of the hands of their captors while they slept.  Had they stubbornly looked for only one possible avenue for their relief, they may have missed much of the miracle of their own deliverance.
Is it time for an inspired change of course? Or are there some little things that just need realigning?

Tastes Like Truth

"This edit is good doctrine. It tastes good. I can taste the principles of eternal life, and so can you. They are given to me by the revelations of Jesus Christ; and I know that when I tell you these words of eternal life as they are given to me, you taste them, and I know that you believe them."  - Joseph Smith (King Follett discourse)
I guess it is as fair a comparison as any.  Just like "hearing the still small voice" of the Spirit whisper truth to your soul isn't something done with your ears necessarily - the taste of truth is another powerful sensory metaphor.  
"You are what you eat," is another reason I like this quote. I guess it is true both physically and spiritually.
Jesus said, "Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth the man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, that defileth the man...those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart, and they defile the man." (Matthew 15:11, 18)    

In vain

Contemplating the commandment to pray always made me wonder if some of the current practices of taking the Lord's name in vain may have come from abuses of this command.  People could have been feigning prayer.  Seeking to be seen as pious, god-fearing people, they utter the name of the Lord in a form that would convey they are either asking him to curse someone or something, turning to him in awe or horror, or even expressing gratitude.  They are not though, and this is a serious enough offense that the Lord makes it one of the original ten commandments given to Moses.  Trying to look good, we do evil.

New room!

"And it shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." - Isaiah 65:24

Ever since the day they told us that what we were seeing with Christi was no longer the effect of the medications we have anxiously awaited rehab.  We have hoped, and fasted, and prayed since then that we would be able to recover all or any of the massive amounts of functioning she had lost.  I remember that day. That was the same day they told us that if she didn't improve fast enough they would have to do a tracheotomy to get her off the ventilator.  That is how urgent the doctors then felt she needed neural rehabilitation.
This is because she was (and still is) a long way from her old baseline.  She coos and moans and sometimes giggles a little now -- while she was reading 1st grade sight-words before.  We are still working for her to reliably be able to move her leg or foot on command now -- while she had just mastered pedaling her new bike with training wheels before.  The urgency of the doctors also become ours.
While she slept we had tried to prepare ourselves for what may emerge.  When we heard they were going to bring her up out of her coma, Deana and I discussed the possibilities.  This (significantly reduced functioning), wasn't the worst of the five possibilities - and we thank the Lord again and again for that.
Then (after the threat of a tracheotomy) our prayers, and the prayers of our friends and family were answered dramatically and specifically again - and she developed a significant enough cough and gag reflex for them to take her off the ventilator.  We expected them to whisk her away into rehabilitation as quickly as possible at that point.  Then we waited.
They moved us the next day from the intensive care unit down the hallway to a "less-intensive" care room. They told us that it would probably be Monday before we had our rehab consultation to see if we could be admitted to the inpatient rehab program (weekends are a bit slower pace here).
Though I consistently reminded my doctors and nurses, Monday and Tuesday came and went with no consult. Feeling a little neglected, I expressed my concern to a doctor, and on Wednesday, Dr. Brandys came for the consult.
She came and evaluated Christi and her readiness to participate in an aggressive 3-4 hour daily regiment of   physical/occupational/ and speech therapies.  Her notes after the evaluation would be instrumental in our acceptance to rehab or our discharge from the hospital.  If we weren't accepted that was the other option too - almost like they would be giving up on her ability to improve with such treatment.  We dreaded that possibility and hoped and prayed that Christi would perform as well as possible in order to get us in.
After Wednesday and Thursday's visits I was told that they would be making a decision on Monday.  I decided to fast and pray again on Sunday for this purpose.  Then it happened.
I later found out that it was primarily because they needed the room that we were in for someone else, but on Friday night at around midnight they moved us to the inpatient rehabilitation wing!  I think the nurse was a little worried about asking us to move in the middle of the night - she didn't anticipate me jumping for joy and pumping my fists the way I did!  We will start rehab on Monday!!
Then I thought, "I didn't even fast for this yet!" and the verse above from Isaiah came to mind.  Certainly it had been a part of my prayers over the last day or two, but I had anticipated a real push for her to be moved to rehab on the weekend. Could it be that God was so anxious to bless us this way, that when I made plans to do so He could wait to pour out His blessings?  The scriptures teach that, "When we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated" (D&C 130:21)  He's got to be a just God, so He has to wait to bless me until I fulfill the law upon which the blessing is predicated.  But sometimes, like in this Isaiah scripture, He seems so anxious to bless that he pours out the blessing just as soon as He possibly can!
I've liked this Isaiah verse for some time now, because, in my mind, it describes God as so incredibly anxious to bless us that he can't even wait until we finish the request.  I felt it that day keenly.  As I read the scriptures that day and in the days since, they looked to me more and more like a loving Father's  excited directions on how to be blessed more and more by Him, i.e. - "Come here and look what I've got for you!!"
We have certainly felt an abundance of His blessings over the course of the last month!  Lately, I have also felt His absolute joy and pleasure in blessing us too.  That sounds strange and maybe even a little arrogant - but I mean it in the most honest of ways.  It has been absolutely overwhelming!
I really feel that He is so excited to bless all His children if they will only come.   Maybe that same excitement to bless has given Him cause to lament at times too - for the Jews and the fallen Nephites and Lamanites - with words like, "How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings... and ye would not" (3 Nephi 10:5).  It all hangs on my willingness to come - to come and be blessed!  So here's to interrupted plans and prayers, a new room in rehab, and the overwhelming goodness of God!! :)

Sacred Ground

Christi had quite a day today - lots of activity, lots of therapists, lots of excitement. So much that she could hardly keep her eyes open for some of it.  She got a little afternoon nap, but not the amount of rest time she has been used to.  We persisted with the therapies etc. though thinking that she would sleep all the better tonight for it.  With that in mind, I started to get her bedded down early tonight. But, even though she had been stretched, lotioned, massaged, etc. she just wouldn't close her eyes and go to sleep!  Then it hit me, we hadn't said her prayers.
I know it might seem a little silly to try to have a little girl who can't speak again yet say prayers - but Christi loves to pray!  She loves to pray so much that she has sometimes drawn impatience from her brothers and sisters (especially on fast Sunday) if she is asked to say the prayer on our meal.  She always asks Heavenly Father to bless so many people and things that she prays for quite some time.  Oh, and she always asks a blessing on the food right before she closes (even at bedtime :)).
So like I had done before, I folded my arms beside her and prayed.  I broke the prayer into small phrases like I often do with her little brothers giving them time to repeat each little portion until they feel confident coming up with their own material.  I would pause between phrases and at each interval Christi on cue, would squeak out a little sound.  Then she would wait.  She would wait until I said the next phrase, and then again - another little sound.  This continued all the way through the prayer.
When I opened my eyes at the end of the prayer, I saw the most beautiful half-grin (she can only smile with half of her mouth right now) spread across her face as she focused on a point over the top of my head.  I felt right away like I was on sacred ground! I felt that real, genuine, heartfelt communication had taken place between a little girl who can only squeak - and her all powerful Father!  So grateful to be her student today!      

My Manna

It is easy not to appreciate, or even really see, things that are common.  I remember watching a youtube video a few months ago about the tactics of illusionists and magicians.  For the most part it had to do with the things you notice vs. the things you take for granted.  Subtle, or even dramatic changes could be made to something in the background while focus was intentionally drawn elsewhere.  In this way people could be convinced of things that were not real.

As the children of Israel were dramatically delivered out of Egypt by the hand of the Lord, each one of them had a living and personal witness of the power of God and His love for them. In grand culmination of their deliverance He opened the sea for them and led them through on dry ground.  When the Egyptians attempted to follow in pursuit they were swallowed up.  For centuries after this experience, their descendants would speak, and sing, and celebrate holidays in remembrance of this grand deliverance.  Then they found themselves in the desert. 

The Lord provided for their needs there too.  He made water flow out of the rock and blessed them with bread from heaven.  This bread was given daily (except on the sabbath) as a direct reminder of the Lord's daily care.  In this way, the children of Israel began each day with a miracle.Yet over time this miracle became more and more familiar until they even complained about it and desired the "flesh pots of Egypt."

In 3 Nephi chapter 2 The Nephites and Lamanites in the land experienced a similar thing in the wake of the sign of the Lord's birth.  Each one of them had fallen to the earth when the sign was given either in fear or gratitude and worship, and each had known.  As the many other signs and miracles surrounding His birth were given chapter 2 opens with this statement, "the people began to forget those signs and wonders which they had heard, and began to be less and less astonished at a sign or a wonder from heaven, insomuch that they began to be hard in their hearts, and blind in their minds, and began to disbelieve the all which they had heard and seen-- Imagining up some vain thing in their hearts, that it was wrought by men and by the power of the devil, to lead away and deceive the hearts of the people; and thus did Satan get possession of the hearts of the people again, insomuch that he did blind their eyes and lead them away to believe that the doctrine of Christ was a foolish and a vain thing."

As a witness of the day to day miracles of Christi's condition ad recovery here in the hospital, I feel humbled at the consistent way the Lord continues to bless her in miraculous ways.  I feel sometimes ashamed to ask for yet another miraculous improvement and step along the path after I have been given so many!  Yet he has put a vision of our own promised land before me, and He bids me seek it.

I think the Lord is, has been, and will be much more active in our lives than we often even realize. I am sure I have effectively gathered my daily bread from the ground many times not giving a single thought to its origin.

That line in the Lord's prayer where He prays, "give us this day our daily bread," is different for me after this experience though.  I am committed to continue such a plea, and to stand in recognition and gratitude for its wonderful and consistent answer.